Hardwired
by doctorameliashepherdess
Summary: Why couldn't it ever just be easy? Why was love so difficult? Oh, that word. It just keeps coming up. That darn word that has taken over her being. Her brain was telling her to run, run fast. But her heart was pulling her to him. The battle within her was tearing her apart.
1. Chapter 1

"Your plan was smart and solid and more in line with what the patient wanted." Owen tried to explain to Amelia. He knew she was medically right. Undefined-girlfriend or not, she was right. Her decision was superior. He just had to let her know that.

"But why where you there?" Amelia screamed as the anger, disappointment, and and sorrow for her patient boiled over.

"That's why I suggested-" Owen tried to get a word in, but she came back even louder.

"Why?!"

She was now seething. He just didn't understand what she was insinuating. This was _their_ fault! She raised her voice even higher and bounced up onto her toes in her fury.

"The only reason you even walked into that room was because you heard my voice and you wanted to check on me and see me because of your personal feelings," she spat to try and get him to comprehend how he didn't enter that room just for one of his doctors, one of his employees. He entered the room for _her._

It wasn't just him and his personal feelings, though, it was hers too.

"I know, because I would have done the same thing," she confessed. "Because we can't help it."

She needed logic, something she knew, something that would take all the damn feeling out of the conversation.

"We are hardwired. Our brains change when we-"

For once, her filter saved her. It saved her from saying _it_. You know, that that word that has four letters and starts with the letter "L"? Yeah, that one. As terrifying as that word is, it is how she feels about him- not that she's going to say it or anything, until-

"When we fall for another person, our neurological pathways get altered and we make choices, we make decisions whether we want to or not."

Logic, science, medicine. How could he argue with that. She knew no better argument than the truth. The truth that he wasn't in the right mind when he stepped into that room and that he was clearly biased towards her care plan. Couldn't he see that and just accept it?

"This-this is why it is not smart to mix personal and professional."

She felt herself getting choked up, but knew she had to keep going.

"All of this could have been avoided if I had just-"

It was too much- him, the feelings, the consequences. Why couldn't it ever just be easy? Why was love so difficult? Oh, that word. It just keeps coming up. That darn word that has taken over her being. Her brain was telling her to run, run fast. But her heart was pulling her to him. The battle within her was tearing her apart. She grabbed her scrub cap wanting to rip it off and throw it on the ground, but instead she decided to shut down all the emotions in her. No emotions. They just make everything messy. She tried her best to make a wave of apathy wash over her as she calmed herself.

"If we had just kept our professional lives professional-"

Amelia was good at becoming apathetic. She had always been able to just switch off the emotions when she wanted to. This time, though, it wasn't working, because the second she looked into his eyes, the emotions- _the love_\- all flooded back. The tears started to form in her eyes and she swallowed the lump in her throat.

" But we didn't."

Yes, she was blaming him for intervening in the situation, but she kept telling herself that she was the one who made the_ real _mistake- she let him in. She had let him into her life, her heart, and her head, and now her patients were paying the consequences. It was all her fault. If she hadn't let her guard down and fallen so hard, none of this would have happened.

"It was a mistake."

Looking him straight in the eyes, she said it as bluntly as she could. She needed to get out of it before it destroyed not only her, but everyone around her- her patients, her family, _him_.

"This is a mistake."


	2. Chapter 2

"This is a mistake."

It hit him like a thousand bricks. Those words that came out of her mouth made his heart wrench. They had only known each other for about six months, and their connection had only been real for about a month, but he knew he couldn't let her go. It was the way her deep eyes held so much emotion, the way she commanded an OR, and the way she fit perfectly in his embrace. Those and so many more told him not to let her run.

But yet, he nodded. He nodded because he understood how she felt, how her happiness meant nothing to her if everyone around her would bear the consequences. They would just have to be more careful.

"You're right, Amelia."

He stared right at her and saw her face drop further, if that was even possible. She probably thought he was agreeing. Did she want him to agree? Did she want him to fight back? He couldn't tell, but he knew that something this _good _couldn't be bad.

"We _should_ have kept our professional lives professional and we should continue to. This implies that we have personal lives, though, which I believe, I _know_, should be spent together."

She looked surprised at his words and started to back away. He knew he was losing her. He had to fight for her.

"Amelia, this past month that we've had has been the been amazing. You make me feel alive. After Cristina, I thought I would never be able to love again, but you proved me wrong. This love I have for you- and yes, Amelia Shepherd, I am saying the "L" word- has healed me. And don't you lie and say it hasn't healed you too."

He slowly walked forward and stopped right in front of her.

"This love is real. It is what people dream about and we found it, Meels. And I can't let this go. I can't let _you_ go."

He watched as a battle between her heart and mind ensued. She was slightly blushing from his words, yet was looking down so he couldn't stare into her eyes to reach the depth of of her emotions. He reached out to grasp her hand and was surprised when she didn't pull away.

"I can't let go of you because I don't want to live without you. It isn't that I just don't want to, I can't, Amelia. I don't think I can go a day without waking up next to you cuddled into my chest or without breathing in your crazy, intoxicating, lavender scent. I want to listen to your sassy, unfiltered voice all day long."

Owen reached his other hand up to cup her cheek and softly turned her face towards his gaze.

"I can't go without staring into those beautiful blue eyes of yours."

Just then, those captivating eyes of her's met his and he completely melted all over again. He wasn't lying when he said he couldn't go a day without her eyes. They just held so much emotion and were his window into her soul. He could stare into them all day long. And then he looked further down and saw her lips.

"Or feeling the softness of your lips against mine," he added as he traced them with his finger.

"Owen," Amelia sighed, still trying to fight her feelings.

"Shhh, Melia," he cooed.

He leaned in and breathed against her lips. He dropped her hand and brought his to the back of her head. His fingers untied her scrub cap and dropped it to the ground so he could tangle his hand into her ponytail. As she pulled her closer to him, she whispered against his lips.

"No." She pulled back and took his hand off of her cheek. "Not yet, Owen."

She ran the palms of her hands up to his chest and gently pushed him away.

"I just-I just need time, Owen. Today's just been too much- too much emotion, fighting, everything. And my head is just so clouded and I can't think and-"

Amelia let out a deep breath.

"I need to go and clear my head. I need to think."

Owen's face dropped.

"Hey, this doesn't invalidate my feelings for you. They're real, so extremely real and it scares the hell out of me."

"Please don't leave me," he pleaded with a lump forming in his throat.

"I'm a runner. Since my father passed away, I've run from every single conflict that has come my way."

Owen looked at her, terrified to be losing yet another love of his life.

"But, I promise you that I won't leave. I won't run. I just need to be alone with my thoughts for a little while- to reassure myself that here is where I'm supposed to be."

"I'll wait for you, Amelia. I want you to know that I will give you all the time you need and when what you need is me, I'll be here."

"Just don't forget-" Amelia added.

She took a step closer and kissed his cheek.

"I'm hardwired for you."


End file.
